My Heart's Desire
by fanboyReader
Summary: Natasha's in a coma without any signs and hopes of recovering. This is what's happening in her mind.


I woke up in a deserted room. The sun shines brightly, lighting the entirety of room. My eyes wander, comprehending the unfamiliar place. 'Where am I' I thought. 'Am I in a hospital?' My question was quickly answered when I realized I was wearing a hospital gown. I sat up and leaned my back on the headboard of the bed I'm lying on. The door opens and a boy with a sandy blonde hair came rushing towards me. 'Momma, momma' he shouted. He climbed on the bed and embraced me. 'Momma' he said as he buried his head on my waist. 'The doctors said you're gone, but you're here, you're alive.' I was shocked at his words. 'Momma, get up. Pop's outside waiting for us.' The child looked at me in the eye and saw a familiar green shade.

The child pulled my arm until I have my feet on the ground. He then rushed towards the door and went outside calling his father. The child's eyes still linger in my mind, trying to remember the owner of such familiar pair. I stood up and went to see myself on the full-body mirror placed beside the closet. I examined my body to check the scars I got from the last mission I had… we had, as a team, the Earth's mightiest heroes. I know I heal fast; it's one of my abilities after the Red Room changed me, and the scars remind me of the wounds I endured. I am a survivor. But today these marks have been erased on my body as I look at every inch of my skin. I felt vulnerable.

The child came rushing to my room again, but now he has someone with him. The man has also the sandy blonde hair as the child, but his was unkempt. His blue-grey eyes were tired and swollen, which I can tell was a result of crying. He wears a rugged long sleeved shirt, with the sleeves rolled up that reveals his muscular arms. He partnered it with worn out jeans and sneakers. There is only one person I know who can pull this outfit, and I can't believe he's standing in front of me right now. 'Clint' I whispered. 'See Pop, she's here, she's alive, the doctors are wrong.' The child joyously exclaimed. Clint smirked and said 'You're right, son. Your mom's alright.'

'Son?' I was shocked with the sudden revelation. The child, who is my son, wrapped his arms around me again and cried. 'I thought you'll never wake up, momma. I was scared when you were lying there motionless. Pops and I prayed hard for you to wake up. The doctors said that they can't do anything to revive you, but God gave you back to us. He is good, mom, I like him.' I looked at Clint, trying to make sense of it all. 'Francis, go to your uncle Phil first. I need to talk to your mom.' As the child obediently goes, Clint grabbed my hand, pulled me closer to him and hugged me, tighter than usual. 'God, I miss you Natasha.' He muttered. 'You've been out for days and no one knows if you're still going to wake up. Don't do that to us again. You really scared the shit out of me, you know that?' I hear sobs in between his statement. Clint can't be crying. I have known this man for so long and he rarely show his emotions. But feeling the damp portion of my gown made the exception.

Someone knocked on the door and slowly entered. Clint has dried of his eyes and see who the visitor was. 'Agent Romanoff' Phil Coulson greeted. 'I'm glad you pulled through. I bought you some normal clothes for you to change.'

'Momma, momma' Francis blurted out while running inside the room. He wrapped his arms around me and looked up saying 'c'mon let's go out. Pops said that if ever you wake up he'll treat us to some fancy restaurant and we'll spend the rest of the day together. Right, dad?' Clint just smirked and let out a soft chuckle at the boy's lively personality. 'But, mommy's going to change first, alright.' I felt a pang in my stomach when I said the word 'mommy' but somehow it felt good.

I changed to the clothes that Phil has brought and stepped out in the hallway where the three men were patiently waiting. 'Welcome back Agent Romanoff' I nodded at Phil in acknowledgement 'I'll take care of the discharge papers in behalf of SHIELD, which will shoulder all your hospital expenses. You are not to report for quite some time until Fury deemed you capable in doing field work. Until that time, you're on vacation, agent.'

'Thanks Phil.'

'You're welcome. Enjoy the rest of the day agents.'

'Aye, aye sir. Bye uncle Phil.' Francis enthusiastically said. 'Goodbye little agent.'

After bidding goodbye to Phil, we head towards the Clint's car in the hospital parking lot. 'Where are you taking us?' I teased. 'Secret. I don't want to spoil the surprise.' I rolled my eyes at him. Clint has never changed. The drive to the city took longer than expected, or as I remember. Everyone's quiet inside the car that made me think of the current situation I'm in. I have no memory of the things before this; the only thing I remember was about the failed mission the team had that left us all beaten out. I tried to patch thing together but the more I think of it, the more confusing this becomes. 'Something's bothering you, Natasha?' I was snapped out of my reverie by his question. 'Nothing, I just… I'm a little confused right now.'

'Confused? Why? Is there something wrong?'

'Never mind, maybe this is just the effect of being in a coma for a few days.' I smiled at him and shrugged the thought out of my mind. Out in the distance I heard a faint sound of a person crying.

* * *

'No way, Clint!' I exclaimed. 'You deserve it. And I know you've wanted to go back here.' I was surprised to be back at Sailor Joe's, the Mediterranean-inspired restaurant where Clint and I first went out with just the two of us. 'How'd you know I wanted to go here?'

'Just a hunch.' The vibe didn't change from the last time I remembered being here; it still has the cosy atmosphere. 'You can order whatever you want, Natasha.'

'Can I also order whatever I want?'

'Sure, kiddo. We're here to celebrate.' We were settled in the best spot in the restaurant as the waiter tends to our needs. For a person that has been from the hospital, I sure have an appetite to dig in the morsels in the menu. 'I never thought this place serves seafood. I don't remember having these in their menu.'

'I heard it's their new addition.'

'Weirdly enough, I'm craving for some tasty seafood.'

'I'll order a crab. I want a crab, Pops.'

Having a family is far from my mind. Being taken away from my family and getting orphaned at an early age erased the concept of family in my system, and thinking of having one is really sickening. Maybe I was just afraid of the commitment and responsibilities of having a family because I never knew the meaning of it. No one has taught me how to become a wife, or a mother. The Red Room has created a heartless killing machine out of me and barred all emotions of a normal person. However, there's a feeling deep inside of me that's longing for a normal life; a family that I can call mine. Watching Clint and Francis happily goofing around while we eat has brought out this yearning. And though I feel this isn't real, I want to savour the moment of having a real family.

After our hearty lunch, we went to have a stroll in the park. 'Pops, I'm full. Can you carry me on your shoulders?' Clint happily obliged to his son's request as we continued our saunter. 'Isn't this fun, Natasha? Finally, we have a moment to ourselves. No missions, no Fury, no everything, just us three.' We saw an unoccupied bench near an ice cream stand and went to sit there. Clint bought us ice creams with three scoops each as Francis joined a group of children playing nearby. 'Clint, tell me. What really happened to me? The last thing I remember was we're fighting in a mission and we're outnumbered. And it's weird that I don't have bruises when I woke up.'

'That's because you heal fast, remember.'

'But Clint, this is not normal. I want the truth.' He looked at me, full of seriousness, and I can't stand his eyes piercing through mine. Honestly, I hate this side of Clint. 'After that unfortunate event, we're all beaten out but you're the one who received most of the blows. We're all rushed to the hospital except for Steve and Thor. You're in a coma for weeks before you woke up this morning. Tony's been recuperating in his Malibu mansion. I don't know Bruce's whereabouts, but I heard from Fury that he's recovering somewhere in Morocco.' He fell silent. Although this doesn't answer all my questions, at least it has shed some light to my understanding. I heard the crying again but this time it's louder and it seemed that it's not alone. I was startled by it and looked around but I saw nothing.

I heard a child scream that snapped me out of the hallucinations I'm having. I saw Francis getting into a fight with another child who's quite bigger than him. I rushed to him and clutched him out. 'Stop it. Stop it this instant.' I walked him over to Clint as I dust off his shirt. 'How're you buddy?'

'Not good. That kid is not being fair.'

'But that doesn't mean you should lunge on him. You should have known better, young man. Fighting is not always the answer.'

'But mom…'

'No buts. What you did was wrong, no matter what your reason is.'

'I'm sorry.'

'You shouldn't be apologizing to us. Go apologize to that kid.' Francis sluggishly followed. 'Not bad.'

'What?' 'You're a natural, Natasha. But it's sad it won't happen now.'

'What?' I looked at Clint with straight face, comprehending what he said. 'You know how I like to spend the rest of my life with you.'

'Clint?'

'Momma, momma.' Francis has been tugging my shirt. 'I should have been the one lying there.' Now it's getting weirder and weirder. 'Momma, MOMMA.'

'What?!' I was shocked with what Francis had in his hand. _Blood_. I looked down at my shirt that has been drenched in blood. I was shocked. I looked back to Francis but he was gone. 'Son? Francis? Where are you?' The surrounding suddenly changed to something gloomy and freaky.

I reverted back to Clint that has also changed in appearance. He's now covered in bruise, one eye closed, a bandage wrapped around his head, and a sling on his left hand, his bow-pulling hand. 'Clint, what's happening?' But it seemed that he can't hear me. 'I'm sorry Natasha, I'm really sorry. I should have been your place. I should have protected you more. I'm sorry.' Clint is crying now. The crying is now louder than before, and it's been enveloping the scene. My clothes also changed back to the hospital gown but now looked rugged. My skin has also been patched with bruises, both blacks and blues. I also feel weak that I slumped on the ground. 'I'm sorry Natasha. We have a future ahead of us. And I've ruined it for you. I've denied you the happiness that awaits you.'

'No, no, Clint. This ain't happening.'

'I'm sorry Natasha. I'm really sorry.' The surrounding became darker and I felt weaker but I kept my eyes open and looked at Clint, _for the last time_. 'I'm sorry, and I love you.' And everything went black.


End file.
